It’s standard fare for sit-coms and movies: teen characters shift between laughter, eye rolls, and tears. The parents react with a comical mix of frustration, and concern. And the family rides a roller coaster of emotions, communication issues, and more on the road to their teen’s independence.
So here you are, in real life, trying to helpfully and productively move forward with your own teen. And you don’t have the benefit of a script or laugh track to break the tension created by their changing moods.
What do you do? To start, the next time your child leaves you perplexed, consider teen brain development. During the teen years
impacts how teens experience their emotions
changes their ability to process thoughts and consequences
creates hormone changes that lead to unpredictable emotions and responses
All of the above is normal but can be confusing, for both teens and parents. It partially explains why parents have so much trouble deciphering their children’s actions and emotions. That said, it is crucial to differentiate between normal teen moodiness and something more.
The Reasons For Teen Mood Swings
Biologically speaking, it comes down to hormones. During puberty, internal chemical shifts can dramatically impact how and what a teen feels and thinks. The changes often provoke:
Frustration
Irritability
Extreme sadness
Loneliness
Fear
Teenage hormonal shifts coincide with other shifts as your teenager embraces and fears their looming autonomy. Suddenly, they’re establishing independent beliefs, goals, and values. When these new ideas conflict with those of their parents, some conflict is inevitable…and confusing.
The combination of chemical and social factors can be volatile for your child. But, before you freak out over your child’s goth phase or clothing choices, take time to step back and see the bigger picture. Each outburst or eye roll is not a cause for intervention. You’re looking for patterns — ideally seen with a detached eye. Your teen will hurt your feelings at times but this should not influence your assessment of their big picture behavior.
How to Gauge Your Teen’s Unpredictability
Give Them Some Space But Be There When Needed
Sure, this advice may be filed under “obvious” or “impossible,” but it’s reality. Your teenager is trying out their new-found status as an almost-adult. Here’s the catch: They’re not fully ready for the leap. Even so, every single attempt by you to hover too closely will leave them utterly mortified and risk driving them away. This indelicate dance requires you to perform a high-wire act of letting them figure out some tough situations while remaining available at a moment’s notice. There is no perfect balance so it really helps to cut yourself (and your kid) some slack.
Watch for Warning Signs
All the while, as the parent of a teenager, you must maintain a diligent watch for warning signs that something else is going on. Of course, for each child, there are unique behavioral variations. Even so, many common signs and symptoms of anxiety and depression exist, e.g.
Physical/Cognitive Signs:
Sleep disturbances: too much, too little, bad dreams, and so on
Changes in eating habits: calorie restriction, binge eating, etc.
Digestive problems
Feeling fatigued and tired all the time
Aches and pains, particularly headaches
Decreased focus and concentration
Emotional Signs:
Angry outbursts
Irritability that borders on defiance
Social isolation and withdrawal
Losing interest in activities they once enjoyed
Academic problems
Loss of resilience, unable to bounce back from tough episodes
Letting their physical appearance and hygiene go
Individually, the above symptoms do not signal a larger problem. Again, you’re looking for ongoing patterns and sudden changes.
You Are Not Alone
Teenagers don’t come with a manual. Thus, their changing nature can create tension and distance in your home. That’s why so many parents opt for individual or group counseling as an approach. When teenage mood swings create communication breakdowns, it is beneficial to have a skilled mediator to guide the interactions. In a calmer setting, it becomes far easier to identify if something more than normal teen moodiness is happening. In-person or via phone call or video chat, therapy is a proven path for healing.
We want to support you and your family. Please read more here regarding youth counseling and reach out soon for a consultation.
