We see age gaps in adult relationships somewhat frequently. For instance, that silver fox actor has a new, younger wife. Often, age gaps between couples are met with suspicion. But why?
Experts believe the taboo nature of age gaps stems from peoples’ assumption that there is a power imbalance in these relationships. It’s believed that one party is reaping far more benefits than the other or that one party is being taken advantage of. Over time, this has become a sense of appropriateness instilled in our culture and passed down.
While an age gap presents its own unique hurdles in adult relationships, they are not automatically a bad thing, so long as both parties are genuinely interested in each other for the right reasons. Let’s look at some of these hurdles and how you can tell an age gap won’t be a problem.
Is Age Really Just a Number?
Studies show that heterosexual relationships, on average, have about a 3 year age gap. There is a bit of wiggle room in this number before age typically becomes a front-and-center aspect of the relationship.
Historically and biologically, women sought older men because they were more likely to be able to provide for them and protect them. Men sought out younger women because they tended to be more fertile. Infant health tended to be much better in these unions, so you can see why it was beneficial. But as we progressed as a society, we started to look at age gaps with a more critical and emotional eye.
As we started looking more for mates whose beliefs, interests, and values aligned with our own, concerns about imbalances came into play. As such, large age gaps evoked more discomfort. Someone who is 15 years older than their partner is likely to have a different life perspective. They are more likely to have grown up in a time where parenting was even different.
The Downside to Age Gaps
As hinted above, age gaps in adult relationships present their own unique hurdles. One of the most obvious ones is facing scrutiny from others. Unfortunately, the older one in age gap relationships may be seen as predatory, while the younger may be seen as greedy for wealth or resources. Having to face suspicions and false beliefs from others can strain on a relationship where there is a notable age gap.
Another issue is that you might be in different life stages. As a result, you may have different goals. Perhaps the older’s goal is to settle down and have children, but the younger’s is to explore and have fun without having that commitment to children. You may also have different beliefs on how to raise children in the first place. You may have different financial opinions.
However, despite this, relationships with an age gap can be just as loving and rewarding as those without. When your interests, life goals, and values align, you can have a meaningful and deep romantic relationship. And sometimes, you just can’t deny romantic chemistry, too.
How to Know an Age Gap Won’t Negatively Impact Your Relationship
In any relationship, there are markers that indicate long-term viability and happiness. In relationships where there is an age gap, you can ask the following questions to get an idea of where your relationship could go:
Is this a short-term fling or a long-term relationship? There’s nothing wrong with having a fun fling with an older or younger person. It happens. But one important thing to ask yourself is where you see it going.
Do your life goals align? What are both of your retirement plans? Do you want children? How do you want to spend downtime together? Do you want to travel? Having similar goals makes for a happier and more successful relationship.
Do you have support from friends and family? Even if we really like someone, our friends’ and family’s opinion can influence our romantic relationships. Disapproval may make it hard to feel as invested in the relationship. But having that support can help us feel more connected. Remember that having this approval doesn’t always have to be an end-all-be-all.
There are plenty of adults who have fulfilling long-term relationships despite a notable age gap. In the end, an age gap is not a definitive indicator of whether a relationship is viable or not. As long as there is equality, equity, and your long-term goals and values align, you can have just as healthy a relationship as those who don’t have much of an age gap.
