Pop culture has taught us all a very particular perspective on divorce. It usually involves lots of screaming, mixed with the silent treatment. It all leads up to a climactic confrontation followed by a lifetime of animosity. Of course, this cinematic image does very little justice to a complicated and nuanced experience. It also neglects to even hint at the inevitable toll the stress of divorce takes on our mental health. This isn’t about he said/she said or which spouse was “right.” Divorce of any kind is stressful and requires its participants to take steps to safeguard their mental health.
Divorce and Your Mental Health
Any form of life transition — regardless of how we perceive it at the time — is a source of an incredible amount of stress. According to the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, divorce ranks second only to the death of a spouse when it comes to stressful life events. Post-divorce symptoms and behaviors may include:
Isolation
Guilt and shame
Intrusive thoughts
Acting out in a destructive manner
Sexual withdrawal, dysfunction, or promiscuity
Eating disorders
Substance abuse
Loss of self-esteem
Ongoing insecurity
Depression
Anxiety disorders
Not everyone experiences such outcomes. Those who move forward in a more healthy way, however, are not necessarily those who were unhappily married. Even those who initiated the split may experience emotional mental health fallout. The biggest factor in handling a divorce is the development of coping mechanisms and a willingness to seek help.
6 Tips for Handling the Effects of Divorce-Related Stress
1. Feel What You Need to Feel
You don’t have to put on an act. Divorce is a major life change and there is zero shame in feeling the full gamut of emotions. Process, digest, rest, cry, celebrate — whatever you do, be sure to honor your feelings.
2. Don’t Expect Things to Follow a Script
Stress doesn’t follow a blueprint. It is unpredictable and it defies our expectations. Sure, it makes sense to plan. But, for the sake of your emotional health: embrace mental flexibility.
3. Commit to Your Physical Health
Creating and sticking to a daily self-care regimen will go a long way in fortifying your psychological wellbeing. This regimen may include:
Healthy eating habits
Regular sleep patterns
Daily activity and exercise
4. Don’t Be in a Hurry to Make Big Decisions
It’s tempting to change everything — and change it in drastic ways. Some of that may happen over time. For starters, it’s best to avoid hasty choices until you feel a fair amount of emotional clarity. Take your time.
5. Explore New Interests
Tips #4 doesn’t mean you can explore new interests or revisit old favorites. Stress or no stress, you are at an interesting crossroads. It’s an ideal time to take stock in your wants and needs. Those first small steps can help balance out all the stress you’re feeling.
6. Seek Out the Support You Need
Don’t go it alone. Underestimating the impact of life’s second most stressful event is a risky proposition. Ask for help, early and often. Create a support system of friends and family. It’s also highly recommended to talk with a professional (see below).
Beyond Self-Care
All of the above tips can assist you as you move along in this unpredictable and decidedly stressful process. There may come a time, however, when you need more. Regular counseling sessions provide you with a golden opportunity to take a more holistic view of your mental state. Patterns will be revealed and explored. Underlying issues will be addressed. New approaches and ideas will be implemented. None of this can eliminate post-divorce stress but it will go a long way in helping you handle its effects. Please reach out for support and more information regarding life counseling, I’m here to help.
