When the time comes that we’re finally able to tally up the total cost of COVID-19, there will be one category that will likely get ignored: relationships.
The diverse and relentless impact of this pandemic is wreaking havoc on our collective mental health. This reality creates a treacherous terrain for couples from coast to coast. Stress, in general, is challenging to your connection and 2020 is fast becoming ground zero for stress. How can you recognize this trend and what can you do about it?
COVID and Stress
During any normal flu season, for example, you may be aware of some stress about staying healthy. The COVID-19 takes that concern to previously unforeseen levels. A mysterious, novel virus is enough to send anyone into a stress spiral. But that is far from all we’re facing.
A dramatic economic downturn has introduced a kind of Great Depression stress.
Will the kids return to school? If so, is it safe? If not, how can I stay home to be with them?
Friends and family feel divided and torn by a wide array of divisive perspectives.
Then there’s civil unrest, presidential election politics, and more.
The sudden reality of spending far more time together!
Stress levels in 2020 might be at an all-time high and that could spell trouble for anyone’s relationship.
What Stress Can Do to Any Relationship
Increase conflict
Decrease intimacy
Create repressed emotions
Build resentment
Negatively impacts both partners’ physical health
Cultivate passive-aggressive behavior
Stress makes every situation more challenging. When it becomes a part of a couple’s daily life to the extent it is in 2020, it’s like a metaphorical virus. It infects, it’s opportunistic, and can be difficult to identify. It helps to set aside time to honestly assess your current situation.
Signs Your Relationship is Suffering During the Pandemic
1. Communication Breakdown
In times of crisis, our bodies slip into fight-or-flight mode. When the danger seems ever-present, we can find it difficult to find our equilibrium. We may shut down — and that includes our connection to loved ones. Question: Are you talking, face-to-face, in a healthy, productive manner? (Texts and social media “likes” don’t count.)
2. Social Distance
Between the chaos in the world and the tension in the room, it may not feel natural to initiate intimacy. This sexual distance — if left unaddressed — can create a build-up of confusion, guilt, doubt, shame, and resentment. Question: When was the last time you enjoyed some intimate time and how do you feel about it?
3. Distraction
COVID-19 has deepened our already profound “need” to be connected to our devices. The fear of missing out feels especially urgent when each new update can have such intense implications. This heightened anxiety adds yet another distraction to chip away at a couple’s bond. Question: Do you regularly interrupt time with your partner to check your phone?
4. Conflict
This goes beyond the inevitable spats and disagreements. We live in a divisive time. You and your significant other may suddenly disagree on important issues like how to respond to the viral threat. Question: Have you been fighting over things like masks, political parties, and conspiracy theories?
The Value of Counseling
Intense stress can obscure the history, the values, and the compatibility that fortify your bond. Couples counseling is where you go to rediscover these foundations. With the benefit of an unbiased mediator, you both get to air your grievances. Together, you identify the stressors that are causing your relationship to suffer. From there, you collaborate on new approaches and perspectives as you move toward healing. Sure, it’s hard but it’s also some of the most fulfilling work you’ll ever do. I’m here to help. Please read more about life counseling and contact me soon for a consultation.
