There are countless events, situations, and relationships that can provoke grieving. Often, circumstances are sudden and jolting. You may first deal with shock and disbelief before you can even begin processing your grief.
However, there are times in life when you see grief coming. These episodes are called anticipatory loss. Knowing you are about to experiences a traumatic event usually alters your perception of and reaction to that event. This doesn’t automatically make the grieving process “easier” or “harder.” But it will change the process and usually gives you the opportunity to take anticipatory steps.
What is Anticipatory Grief?
Grief is a normal and necessary response to loss. That said, our minds are capable of experiencing grief in advance. If we have a strong or certain idea that a major loss is looming on the immediate horizon, the mourning process commences. In some ways, it’s different than traditional grief but it does present many of the same symptoms, e.g.
Anger
Sorrow
Social isolation
Depression
Let’s say you are told that a loved one’s condition has become terminal. It is only natural that you will grieve for their loss of health, functions, etc. You will also mourn, in advance, for the soon-to-be-lost opportunities to be together with the sick person. Every time a symptom worsens, your grief may deepen. If the phone rings, your mind might fill with dread.
All of this is normal. However, it is crucial that you recognize what’s happening and take personal steps to help cope with your anticipatory loss.
4 Ways to Cope with Anticipatory Loss
1. If Possible, Spend Quality Time Together
It would be wonderful if we all cherished every moment as if it were our last. Anticipatory grief is a jolting reminder of this concept. Suddenly, every conversation, every smile, every gentle touch — all of this and more becomes steeped in profound meaning. Whether it’s in-person or via phone or video, you will never regret maximizing your together time as much as possible.
2. Find Someone Else to Talk With
You will have thoughts and fears that you may choose to not share with the dying person. This makes it very important to lean on a support system. It might be a loved one or friend. It may also be some kind of support group meeting. The options may vary based on your unique situation but the urgency does not. As things move closer to the physical loss, you cannot go through things alone. If you do not feel comfortable sharing with the people currently in your life, reach out for professional guidance (see below).
3. Practice Self-Care
Grief, of any sort, will wear you down and test your resilience. It will become easy to neglect your basic needs. Do not let this happen. For the sake of your own health and for the sake of the person you are mourning for, prioritize daily self-care. This day-to-day regimen should include components like:
Regular sleep patterns
Healthy eating habits
Relaxation techniques
Daily exercise and activity
Tech breaks
4. Don’t Make Assumptions About How Your Grief Will Play Out
Again, anticipatory loss changes how we grieve but it’s not possible to know how this will play out. Stay present. Instead of speculating about what I’ll feel like when the loss happens, be mindful of the moment you’re in. Make the most of your time with your loved one. Feel what you need to feel as the emotions arise.
Help is Available, Help is Necessary
As stated above, grief is not to be tackled alone. Working with a skilled therapist is a giant step toward processing, healing, and recovery. Please read more about grief and depression therapy and contact me soon for a consultation.
