Being a parent is challenging—no matter what. One of the biggest challenges is expectations. When you have a kid, you allow yourself to imagine how YOU see them living in the world. There’s nothing wrong with this as long as you’re not trying to control their choices. Inevitably, your child will set out on their own path in their own way. You, as a good parent, will do your best to understand and support.
If your child is LGBTQIA+, the scenario is similar but different. After all, most other choices a kid can make would not have the same potential for trouble. We live in a divided society; thus, being an LGBTQIA+ parent requires even more commitment and strength.
Some of the Challenges of Being an LGBTQIA+ Parent
Social Media
This is a very delicate balance. On the one hand, social media might be the only place your child feels comfortable or safe being open about themselves. But then again, peer pressure and misinformation can be very confusing for a young mind. Depending on their age, you may need to set social media limits. However, regardless of age, it is critical you make it known that you are available to talk, listen, clarify, and validate.
School
During the week, your child is at school as much as they are at home. It’s great for your children to be independent and social. But it is also nerve-wracking not to know how they are doing in the chaos that is school life. To walk that fine line, you may consider:
Connecting with their teachers and maintaining an open dialogue to help nip problems in the bud
Being an advocate for your child’s school to be more inclusive in word and deed
Watching for signs of bullying, e.g., behavior changes, sudden decline in academic progress, cutting class, suddenly having new friends, etc.
Coming Out
This, of course, is not your decision. But, if you are by your child’s side all the way, they will lean on you for advice and support. You may be of tremendous help if your child asks you to be the one to call the extended family with the news. Coming out is daunting at any age. For a young person, it is usually overwhelming.
If possible, talk to them about why they wish to come out. This is crucial but adolescents and teens often experiment with lifestyle changes and preferences. You do not want to insinuate that they are “going through a phase.” But you can position yourself to be a trusted voice to hear them out as they process taking such a huge step.
Obviously, Dialogue is Critical
All of the above lean heavily on your willingness and ability to talk and listen. Build and maintain trust by being there in small, everyday ways. Be patient because kids can get pretty secretive. A powerful entry point could be starting conversations about issues that are trending in the news.
Love Remains the Foundation
However your child lives in this world, they will be stronger and more confident when they know they are loved. No one is expecting you to become an LGBTQIA+ expert. Just do your homework, be authentic, be patient, and lead with love.
Inevitably, there will be bumps in the road. This is an ideal time to talk with someone who can help. Whether it is on an individual or family basis, therapy is a proven path toward more deeply understanding and connecting with your children. To end where we began: Being a parent is challenging—no matter what. It only makes sense that you would ask for help from an experienced expert in the field. Let’s talk soon.
