Every new year presents two traditions. In early January, we make resolutions. Then, within a month or two, we make jokes about how badly we’ve “failed” at keeping those resolutions. It’s the stuff of comedy punchlines, popular memes, and motivational videos. This annual cycle may feel inevitable, but it’s not. Setting and reaching goals is a fun and important part of what it means to be human. Entering into this process, it is crucial to adopt a realistic mindset that blends commitment and flexibility.
Why Resolutions Rarely Take Hold
Unclear Goal-Setting
Resolving to “make more money” is not the same as laying out a step-by-step plan to increase your income by a specific amount in a specific amount of time. Write down very focused resolutions — but stay open to adjustments as the year progresses.
Too Much or Too Little Patience
If you demand instant results, you can lose motivation when they don’t arrive “in time.” If you take things too slowly, you can lose motivation from the lack of focus and passion.
No Social Support
It really helps to have a support system. Your friends, loved ones, or co-workers can boost you up when you need it and hold you accountable if things start to slip.
You’re Not Ready to Change
You may have overestimated your desire to make a particular change. If so, look inward to discover where you are open to new experiences.
You Don’t Have a “Why”
The “what” can be simple to discern. But “why” are you seeking this what? Without a sense of purpose, all goals and resolutions are subject to daily fluctuations. You “why” is what gets you out of bed each morning with a sense of being on a mission.
4 Ways to Perform a Resolution Reality Check
1. Embrace the Power of Hindsight
Whenever you choose to execute the resolution reality check, it enables you to re-visit a resolution with the benefit of new evidence. Every successful athlete or company or artist, for example, stays flexible and open to new input.
2. Recalibrate Small vs. Large Goals
Did you aim too big or too small with your resolutions? It’s hard to know what you’re capable of until you start trying. Now that some time has passed, you can better assess what feels realistic and healthy for you.
3. Make Sure You’re Doing It For You
Why did you make your resolutions? Was it about something you felt or are trying to prove something to someone else? Revenge may temporarily feel like the best inspiration but it will not sustain you. To better find you “why,” you need to ask yourself some tough questions and provide honest answers.
4. Don’t Conform to Societal Pressure
There is no law saying you or anyone must make resolutions or set goals at a particular time of year. Social media may guilt you into participating but it’s best to make such plans at the time that feels best for you.
Getting Help With the Process
No matter when you start thinking about goals — January 1 or mid-summer — it can be a daunting process. It’s not unusual to find yourself feeling confused, unmotivated, or simply “stuck.” This is not some kind of unique flaw. It is common and yes, it is most certainly manageable.
Perhaps an excellent initial resolution is to ask for help. Committing to weekly therapy sessions is a giant step toward exploring and identifying your needs and wants. Under the guidance of an experienced professional, you might find that both long- and short-term goals are within your reach. It all starts with a realization that you could use some assistance in the process!
