It is said that opposites attract. While opposites in romantic relationships can often be helpful, they can also pose a unique set of challenges for both partners.
Successful relationships are achieved through a delicate balance of each partner’s strengths, weaknesses, and personality traits. When the scale is tipped dramatically in one direction, the balance is lost. Many things, such as a strong personality or an overbearing characteristic, can tip the scale.
One factor that will often change the balance and lead to problems in a relationship? Differing intelligence levels.
An Uneven Playing Field
When intelligence levels differ significantly in a relationship, it can spell trouble for the couple. The wider the gap between IQs, the less the partners will typically have in common.
Relationships are built on open communication and frequent conversations—two things that become more challenging when one participant is substantially smarter than the other.
Studies show that things become particularly tricky when the smarter partner is female. When “she” is smarter than “him” in a relationship, how is the dynamic affected? The answer, of course, will vary slightly with each specific relationship—but the general principles are the same.
These studies show that we as a society are still adapting to the idea of women as successful breadwinners. More and more women are establishing themselves as leaders in the workplace. Women are earning more degrees and higher GPAs than men overall.
While these strides mean big progress for women professionally, they sadly do not always translate to success in the home or in relationships. Studies show several consistent ways relationships are affected when a woman is more intelligent than her male counterpart.
Men feeling emasculated or inadequate
When the woman in the relationship is significantly more intelligent, it often leaves the man feeling inadequate or even less masculine.
Because the world tends to associate temporal success and the ability to provide for a household with men, a woman who is more intelligent or earning a higher salary than her male partner may feel threatening.
Partners not sharing responsibilities equally
When two partners do not feel equally “yoked,” they will struggle to make joint decisions and to share responsibilities. For obvious reasons, this will quickly lead to problems in the relationship. If a male partner feels overshadowed by his more-intelligent, more-successful female partner, he will likely feel unmotivated to be an equal participant.
Partners feeling dependent or resentful
If one partner feels less intelligent than his counterpart, he will likely become dependent and rely heavily on the female. This dependency can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment from the female, and the partners will struggle to exist in harmony.
Finding Balance
The key to bringing balance back into the relationship is understanding how to use each partner’s strengths for good. Even where differing intelligence levels exist, harmony can be struck.
Recognize that intelligence exists in different forms and different ways. One of you may be more book-smart while the other has a more practical mind that can solve everyday problems.
It is quite possible to love and be in a healthy relationship with someone who is different than you. If you and your partner are struggling to align your differing intelligence levels, try shifting the conversation to the many things you do enjoy and how much fun you are able to have together.
Rather than focusing on what your partner is lacking, focus instead on their many strengths and talents that may be very different from your own.
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If these suggestions have come up short, professional couples counseling may be the answer. Counseling provides a safe space where you and your partner can openly discuss your thoughts and concerns.
Please read more about life counseling and contact my office today.
